Active Listening
- Beards and Bibles .
- May 2, 2018
- 3 min read
We all listen everyday. Even those who are hearing impaired communicate and read signs as a form of communication and listening. But it is easy to get distracted, to find ourselves drifting away toward other thoughts or the things going on around us.
This is where active listening comes into play. Active listening describes the skill of attentively listening to and focusing on the person in front of you. Active listening requires a certain level of willpower, which can be improved on over time. In fact, practicing active listening is a great way to increase your level of focus, something that is increasingly important for many of life’s challenges.
In all relationships, active listening is an central part of genuine care and intimacy. Whether it is with a family member, a friend, a romantic interest, or someone you just met, learning to listen and give that person your full attention will deepen the relationship and improve the connection.
This is a skill that is essential for living in the Christian community as well. Think about the ways relationships are important in a Christian community. A pastor giving counselling or care to a member of the congregation. A youth leader talking through a difficult discipline with a student. A small group discussing their concerns and prayers. There are endless ways that the Lord unites us through relationship and the ways we communicate.
Active listening allows us to improve relationships and thereby better our community. It makes for more intimate friendships and small groups. Leaders can better understand and help guide their followers. It builds and sustains relationships in a time when we need stronger unity in every setting. It shows that you love and care for the other person and allows for that love to grow.
Improving Listening Skills
We could all listen a little better. So how do we improve? The answer is simple but challenging.
Silence the Inner Voice
The inner voice is always talking to you while you are trying to listen to someone else. The voice is finding a way to respond to the conversation. It appears innocent enough, but that inner voice is distracting you from the actual conversation, from what the other person is saying.
While you are talking with someone, your mind is thinking of how best to respond. This usually manifests as a continuation of what the other person has said or, more often, as your own point that you want to get across. To practice active listening, silence that inner voice. Allow yourself to listen first. Stop worrying about what you are going to say and listen to what the other person is trying to communicate.
Understanding Over Hearing
While you are paying attention to the other person, your goal should be to understand what they are saying. This is not just to understand the words but also the feelings behind their comments. When you are focusing on the other person, blocking out the inner voice and other distractions, you can start to pick up on more of the non-verbal clues that explain emotion. You can hear what the person is actually trying to say, even if they are having a hard time finding the words.
It is easy to interrupt during this stage. You want to question some of what they are saying to make sure you really do understand. Don’t. Wait for them to finish their thought. If they are interrupted, it will feel like an unfinished song. This will only make them repeat what they already said in order to get back to where they left off.
Talk
After focusing your attention and understanding what the person is really saying, it is your turn to speak. Instead of interjecting your own thoughts or opinions, show the other person that you are paying attention.
This is a good time to paraphrase what you feel the other person just said. Going even further, you can try to repeat back how you think it made them feel or what they are really thinking. Then, and only then, do you interject your own thoughts. Communication is a two-way street. Once one party is able to say what they mean and see that they have been understood, they too will be more ready to listen.
Conversations can be tricky, especially when people are talking about personal or intimate details. Using active listening allows a person to tackle conversations easily. It allows them to dive deeper into a relationship and to retain more of what they have talked about. It allows you to learn more, connect more, and love more.
The best part about it is that it is simple to try. It just takes a little focus and someone to get to know.
Check out these links for more on Active Listening